I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
