that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
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Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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