I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
