I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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