Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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