The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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