There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
