You work out of a Hotel?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
