the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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