I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
