hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
