I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
