been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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