I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
