went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
