I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize