You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
