I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
