Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
