I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
