You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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