hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
