My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
