I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
