I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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