dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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