real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
