I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
