Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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