We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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