I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Boobs are out for the taking
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
