So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
