I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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