So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
