I think my fart just growled at me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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