mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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