but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
