So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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