Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
me + whiskey = a bad person
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
