I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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