I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
