So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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