he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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