I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
