Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm like, not good at living.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
