If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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