i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
