that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
