man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She bit a glass in half.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
