I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The Olympian is in my bed
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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