she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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