you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
