How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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