I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
