it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
