Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
