Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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