We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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