Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
