But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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