I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
