i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
