We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
