I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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