He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm just crazy horny about you
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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