God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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