he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
