Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
