I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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