My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
