Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I wear drunk well.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
