do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
