It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
